Taro’s Watch Party

• Chapter 1: Obscured Reflection

• Chapter 2: Thoughts that Echo

• Chapter 3: His Self Expression

(Ch.1) Obscured Reflection

Taro peered over his shoulder, “So, thoughts?”
“Is this it?” Bo would question, placing the book on the table.
“Well it’s not really finished yet, y’know!” Taro would quickly add, “Besides I’m open to feedback. You’re my beta reader now! Regardless if you signed up or not.”
“Do I get paid then?” Bo would chuckle.
“And you want me to pay with what?”
“Add me into The Wren Gaze as a cameo!”
“Bo…” Taro couldn’t help but laugh along too. “They’re going to think you’re just some self-insert!”
“The whole story on its own is like some self-insert piece!—” Bo would mention only for Taro to nudge him. “Okay, sorry.”Taro murmured, muffled by his hands cupped over his mouth. Well at least he got Bo’s thoughts, but was he right on that? The story he spent months almost years crafting. Yes it involved some inspired events, but is this all it was? Can’t be.He looks back over at the front cover of the book, papers stapled together. He couldn’t even get a proper prototype of the story, not when he hadn’t fully finished and often ran off distracted. Bo must be insanely patient to even deal with Taro’s inconsistent writing schedule, not to mention being with Taro most waking hours. Taro wasn’t sure how Bo could even stand him. Not when he acted like this.Bo would sit beside Taro on the couch, leaning against him. “You really do worry a lot.”
“Mhm, I know.”
“The story is fine, it reminds me of you. I quite like that.”
“It’s not supposed to.”
Bo rolled his eyes slightly, “Well it does, I’m just the feedback guy so don’t come after me.”
“Right.”A moment of silence between the two, staring at the empty shelf that Taro promised to fill with his works one day.
“What about it even reminds you of me?” Taro would finally break the silence. “Cause like, I want to fix it.”
“No! Don’t fix it, I like it this way.” Bo would look Taro in the eyes despite Taro not glancing back, “But if you really want to know, I guess it’s the vibe and texture of the story. Something about it screams, Taro wrote this!”Taro finally turned to look Bo eye to eye, confused and furrowed brows as if trying to comprehend what any of that meant.
Bo simply wrapped him in a warm embrace, “We can work on the story together, I have some notes I’ve taken. We can make it collaborative!”
Taro simply nodded. He didn’t really know what to say now. Everything he wrote felt like warped letters, dancing around his mind. He didn’t know if he was necessarily ready for Bo’s critique about themes or characters. Why did he even write this? It felt distant looking back. Was it out of passion as he says, out of desire for fame? Or was it something darker.
He didn’t want to face it. Why would he?
Reminds Bo of him? Well then he’d have to edit the story more, maybe a complete overhaul.
The Wren Gaze is a story about Wren. Not him.Bo’s expression, soft and reassuring but carrying slight worry behind it. “How about we start with the story’s meaning and overall plot? After all, it's a bit hard to work off only the first 6 chapters, but I kind of read it as a contemporary friendship drama—”“Is it not scary enough?” Taro would blurt out.“I mean there are unsettling moments, but nothing outright screams horror at least yet.” Bo mentioned before heading over to pick it up and flipping through pages. “The chapter 2 scene was unsettling. Makes me wonder if the drink had anything in it.”“But it’s not scary and won’t be seen as horror, right?”“Well not for now, at least to me. There are worldbuilding hints though which I think are implemented in a subtle way!”“Do you think it’ll catch people off guard?”“Do you want it to?”“I don’t know.” Taro lowered his head.Bo just looked down at the book again, a pause between the two of them. Taro glanced out the window of their apartment, that bird who built that nest by the window frame had returned again. Taro sometimes wondered how they even dare take such risks with no fear, he couldn’t imagine building a home so high up even if he had wings.Though his train of thought came to a halt when Bo asked again. “How does the book being scary add to the story? Is it a crucial part?”Taro just sighed. “I don’t know. Bo, let’s just talk about it next time. I don’t feel like thinking about what I wrote right now.”He closed the book and placed it back on the empty shelf, slight disappointment etched on his face. “I understand, just let me know if you’re ready, okay?”“To be honest, I don’t even know if anyone else would read it anyway.”“I’ve read it.”“Yeah but you’re… nevermind.”Bo wanted to ask, to get to know what Taro was about to say. Yet he decided not to push and sat back beside him, pulling him into a hug.”Kind of feel like gaming with you today instead, you chill with that?”“Well of course, it does depend on the game though.” Bo chuckledTaro’s smile would return like he came back from some dreary place that was just the book discussion. “Right, how about that new game, Mask Rotation: Life Edition.”“Life edition?”“Yeah they basically made a social anxiety version of it, there’s local multiplayer for this one though.” Taro switched on the TV and scrolled to show the game. “It’s like the original but instead of playing as a criminal switching masks to hide from certain people in a crowd, it’s more like switching masks to blend in during conversations.”“Uh-huh…” Bo would murmur as Taro played the game trailer.“Yeah cause like, you aren’t as big a fan of the more violent games so I assumed you wouldn’t like the original as much. But yeah, tons of character customisation in this one so I thought you may enjoy it more.” Taro was practically beaming while looking at Bo for reactions.“So literally a ‘just act normal,’ the game?”“Pretty much.”Bo just got up to gather the controllers, “Okay, I’m up for it.”“Good luck, you’ll need it.”“Let me guess, you played this for… how many hours?” Bo would side eye him playfully.“Gotta check but probably like 101.”“Wow.”“Yup, good luck.” Taro grinned.Two birds were by the window nest now. A pair. Just like Taro and Bo.

(Ch.2) Thoughts that Echo

“Wait that…”“Looks like you, right?” Bo glanced over at Taro for a brief moment, “I’m trying to recreate you in the game. I mean why not!” Bo giggled to himself as Taro watched him continue picking out the colours.Taro just laughed when Bo asked him what character he was making, “Oh! Just trying to remake one of my book characters. Just what I imagine them to look like.”“Which one is it? Have they appeared in the book already?”“Yeah, Dart.”“Oh Dart! Fitting, plus it makes sense considering the game and your story.”“I hate him, I want him to suffer through the grind of social interactions.” Taro spoke.Bo didn’t really know whether to laugh or not, so he just chuckled softly. “So that’s where the author stereotype comes from!”Taro just nods and leans back against the couch, waiting for Bo to finish up character customisation. Bo was struggling through the options and as much as he wanted to remake Taro, he ended up giving up near the end and making a new character on the spot. Taro expected this, Bo often dwelled on customisation aspects. A soft instrumental song performed by Bo filled the living room with a wave of calm from the music player.“Sorry for making you wait and all.” Bo would finally click ready for his player character.“Pfft it’s not an issue. I mean, the more time I get to relax and prepare before the game y’know?” Taro grabbed his controller as the loading screen came on.The two would spend almost the rest of the afternoon playing, Bo spent a lot of time peeking at Taro’s half of the screen in awe at how fast and accurately he played. Bo was honestly finding it hard to even complete more than 5 interactions in the game, often messing up crucial sections, then again he didn’t mind playing in a more casual way, especially when Taro already invested so many hours in this prior. Taro had been slower and more guiding when running Bo through the tutorial, but his actual gameplay was stunning to witness.“Good game, well played!” He leaned back again, turning to Bo.“You’re like some secret speedrunner,” Bo would mention, “I’m guessing you streamed this game before?”“Not much, I’ve done more streams on the original version. That one gets more views so far.”“That’s fair.” Bo’s phone alarm went off as he got up to turn it off. “Oops, almost forgot about the open mic today, I’ll catch you later Taro.”Taro nodded, “Stay safe and take care.”Bo reached out to give Taro a warm hug, before grabbing and leaving with his guitar. “I will.”The door clicked, closed. Bo’s footsteps grew distant. Taro sat there for some time, facing the dark television screen which reflected his blank stare back at him. Boredom would probably get him again, sooner or later. He looked back over at the window nest, it was empty apart from a few egg shell shards, yet no baby bird in sight. How come?Taro headed back to his bedroom, no use staying out in the living room anyway. A lingering sense of dullness seemed to be stuck to him as he pulled out his phone in hopes to browse ideas and motivation.
He had to publish this story.
It meant the world to him.
And maybe, just maybe,
people could see that too.
But what if he really was just stuck in his head?The scroll for inspiration didn’t get him too far, soon enough he was knee deep in posts on fandom discourse and video essays on various media, seemingly losing sight of his initial goal. He found himself caught up in these, especially the ones analysing how a favourite character could potentially correlate to a person’s own psyche. What they desired to be or who they were.His curiosity almost got him to comment. “What does it say about me if I like…” But he pulled back. It’s not like he’d get a response anyway.
And he may not like what it’d reveal anyway.Though as he continued to scroll through, mindlessly almost. He spotted a familiar user. He could feel his heart quicken, sickness threatening to overwhelm him.Taro let out a scream as the knock on the door caught him off guard. Bo had just come back, startled mainly due to the scream. Taro immediately shut his phone off before slamming it face down on the desk.Bo looked over at the phone, slightly suspicious and uneasy. “Taro, what’s wrong?”“How’re you back so early?”“It’s been like hours. Even the sun has set.”“Oh. Right.” Taro rubbed his neck. Losing track of time again. “How’s the performance?”“Got some tips, the crowd was quite friendly. There was one person who had to be escorted out of the venue though for causing a scene.” Bo’s focus was mainly on Taro. “But genuinely, are you alright? You seemed very stressed—““Seriously I’m fine. Just missing you and started doomscrolling.” He wrapped his arms around Bo. “I’m good, okay? Don’t worry.”“If there’s something wrong, know I’m always here.”“I know.”“Actually thought you’d be asleep by now considering how late it is.”Taro just laughed, “Bo, really? You do know some of my streams are recorded at midnight right?”“Right. My bad.” Bo chuckled awkwardly. “But seriously, you should really get a better sleep schedule though.”“Wow…”“I mean it, Taro.”Taro just groaned under his breath. “Okay, I’ll sleep. Talk tomorrow.”Bo would step out of the room hesitantly, that tone rubbed him the wrong way. “Alright, goodnight love—“Taro would give a brief wave before closing the door. Looking back at that user on his phone he felt his grip tighten. Lying in bed, eyes closed, yet he couldn’t help but feel the distress simmer beneath him. Tossing and turning in the darkness, yet nothing aided him.
It was like something was squeezing him dry, his head aching with thoughts piling on.“It’s like hurting people is the only thing you’re good at.” A whisper.He reached for his phone.“Yet you dare say you changed.” It continued.Opening up the direct message to the user.“Your apologies aren’t even genuine.” It grew louder.He couldn’t help but just keep deleting what he had just written.“You’re a scripted liar.” Those words circled.He still sent his message.And that’s when Taro was faced with an error, his message wasn’t delivered. Of course it wouldn’t be this easy. Oddly, maybe that’s a good thing. But of course he shouldn’t expect he’d be able to sleep tonight after all that.

(Ch.3) His Self Expression

He gripped tightly onto the phone, the pounding in his chest grew hard to ignore, disgust that threatened to spill, filling his throat at intense speeds. It’s just an error, sending it would’ve led to worse, overthinking like he always did. He needed to quit making a big deal out of something so simple.Distraction, that’s exactly what he needed. Tossing his phone aside, Taro scrambled out of bed towards his table, powering it on as the monitor’s light blasted right at him.
Late night streams were what he usually would go for in moments like this, but his performance and view counts have been plummeting ever since he started working on that book. They probably just don’t care. That’s not what his viewers signed up for anyway.
He wished they did, but could he blame them?As the screen loaded up, Taro came face to face with his work in progress document. He’d been stuck on chapters 5 and 6 for a while, especially when it came to writing the interactions between Victor and Dart, he couldn’t decide how to go about their dialogue.
Oh and he’d been planning on adding that subplot between Victor and Aren. But wouldn’t that be way too much?Taro was almost certain he’d have to rewrite some parts, major rewrites even. He’d been in development hell for quite some time now, yet he never found himself truly happy with the ideas.Constantly plagued with what ifs…
‘What if someone misunderstands this?’
‘But what if none of this is subtle enough for depth and all too obvious?’
‘What if someone accuses me of glorifying or baiting certain audiences.”It’s no wonder he more often spent time staring at that blank screen than making progress. And he was at it again, staring at the very last sentence from Chapter 6.“Taro.”He jumped letting out a scream only for Bo to flinch in response.“Sorry!”“I suspected you were awake.”“But I was quiet how did you— I’m sorry.”Bo just looked over at Taro, a gaze of warmth wrapped with concern. “Hey relax, I’m not going to punish you for something like that, we’re both adults here and parents aren’t secretly watching. Don’t get too hung up on it, okay?”“Okay. To be fair I wasn’t doing much, like I just opened the document and started blanking out. Happens all too often, am I right?” Taro blurted out hoping he could find common ground.“Uh huh… actually yeah, I have had those moments when writing lyrics.”“Common artist’s struggle I guess!” He chuckled as he glanced back at the page. Finger hovering over the backspace key, oh how he wanted to redo it all.
Or perhaps even delete the whole thing and simply give up.But if he did, what was all this for?
The guilt would mean nothing in the end if he can’t even make simple art from it.
Never seeing or understanding the why behind it…“Taro, I wanted to talk to you about something.”He snapped out of that daze-like state again. “Wait what?”“I wanna talk to you about something.”Of course the worries rushed back at the simple phrasing of that. All the possibilities for what this could be about colliding at once. “Go ahead?”Bo leaned against the wall, a bit flustered almost. “So, I’ve been thinking of getting my hair dyed again and I’m thinking of trying pink out. My sister wants us to match, I think it could work out. But I just wanted a second opinion.”“Yes.”“Wow, that was quick!”“You’d look stunning in pink, you know that? Like I’m so certain it’d fit you so well.”“Haha aww, then I’ll take your word for it. Gotta book a session tomorrow then. Hopefully it works out nicely and all.”Taro’s eyes were fixed on him.
Pink hair. A soft and unassuming yet passionately loving colour.
Perfect for Bo.
And pink was his colour.“Are you trying to manifest and visualise it?”“Of course! It’s my stare for pinkifying hair.”Bo just giggled a bit. “Alright, I’m going to bed for real this time. Best you do too but hey, don’t stress if you can’t.”“You actually just came here to ask about hair.”“I mean come on, can you blame me? You gotta have some form of expertise at this point with how many colours you’ve cycled through.”“Right…”“Anyway, night night, love!”“Goodnight Bo.”Silence remained yet again
The silence after the door was shut.
The silence after Taro turned his computer off once more.
The silence that knows the why behind Taro.The error message swiped away.
For Taro could silence all the reminders, but the silence always finds ways to remind.